I did not really have an ideal teenage. Like few other kids, I suffered the lack of love from both my parents. Mom said Dad was wrong and Dad said Mom was wrong…..you know what I mean. Plus the adolescent passage of life was on its pioneer twist. The usual confusion of when to act mature or be the kid, the cyber addiction, the depression, body image, etc took their major turns in sabotaging the peace of my mind. Also, school was a different pressure. Having boyfriend was a cool thing. So I had to look out for one as well! I sound mad, do I? No, I do not. This is real life drama I’m talking about. Teenage was quite a task. PHEW!!
In the middle of this drama what I forgot was to not follow the crowd and take my childhood wishes seriously. I always wanted to play the violin. My dad used to play one. So may be it was kinda passed on to me. I always wanted to read a lot of books and write even more. I had a bucket list of doing things that as a child felt like a dream. As I grew up, the peace of mind was over shadowed with sometimes necessary and sometimes evil challenges. The Dreams felt far fetched and so was my peace.The book worm and the author in me spirit transferred with a couch potato. I started living my life in a virtual bubble of T.V. drama series to escape from the bad phase. Somehow I survived school.
University was another episode straight from the bratz block of pettiness! “Having fun” was like breathing. Going for the classes with a weekday hangover was considered the it thing. So was the urge for promising myself to be sober from the next weekend. Deep down I knew I was clearly not feeling good about myself. Amidst all the fun and fancy all I craved for was some silence where I could have a mindful rendezvous with myself. It was exhausting! And it’s been 5 years that I completed my degree, still I wonder why I was being so away from myself and The Dreams. I started blaming my parents for everything that went wrong. I witnessed their broken marriage, so I always felt insecure in matters of love relationships. I made mistakes and got into unnecessary attachments. I was mean and pathetic.
I always scored good marks my whole academic life, so I presumed job will be a piece of cake. Then came the reality slap.
Getting a job that loves you is not easy, people! It took me 5 years after my degree to actually figure out what kinda job would not make me regret the weekdays! So now that I found what I should have done all these years, I finally realized dreams of the childhood is something we all should hold on to. The mind then had zero knowledge of the planet. It was a clean slate. So the dreams were even clearer. As we grow up and the never ending tricky and sticky situations knock us down, we forget to get up. We forget the fact that we own our lives and the dreams in it. We own the time that we are born with. We either start racing towards the uncertain or just go with the flow. It was one helluva revelation that changed my perspective in a lot of things.
Think of those days when you used to make handmade cards for your mother, or you believed in Santa. Go back in time. Think of those things that filled your bucket list for the future when you were a kid. Those dreams were not influenced. Those dreams do not need a background mention. Think of the times when you were a kid and you wanted to achieve something when you grew up. If you are not being fair to yourself or that is a universe away reality, at least take some mindful time out of your schedule and focus may be, 10 minutes of your day on those things. May be you wanted to be a singer and now you have a sales job! So what? Dreams are not always money-friendly. These are here for you peaceful state of mind. Spend 10 minutes learning a new song everyday. Sing to yourself. You will have a happy good night sleep!