Author: cupcakes&miracles

Oh well it’s December! Few days left for Christmas and to celebrate yet another New Year. As the world gets busy with the festivities, I am here travelling, training and reminiscing my festival. My city during Durga Puja. Now, the dates are not the same every year but majorly, they fall sometime during September and October. It’s quite a week-long festival with each day having its own significance. Skipping the mythological backdrop, if we come to the new-age views on the festival, its is more than just worshiping the Goddess. Mostly, you might think I’m trying to talk about the whole idea of wearing new clothes, eating all the possible delicacies and not missing a chance to hop around to visit the marquees where the Goddesses are celebrated. Or may be, the fact that festivals let you come together with family and friends to celebrate. It is more than that.

Every year on January 1st, Bengalis look up the dates of Durga Puja. It adds meaning and a chance to look forward to the year ahead. It marks the occasion of many things. For some it means to happy for leaves from work and go see their families. For some it is to plan and buy clothes while there is a sale way prior to the festival so that there are more clothes on their set budget! For some it is an experience for the first time. A first after getting a job. A first after getting married. Or started dating. Or an addition in the family. Or after they parted ways. For some it is about planning a getaway around those days with their loved ones. For some it is a first without family. And for some it is the last festival.

There is always something old and eventful (if not life changing!) about those days. This is the thing about festivals. Keeping aside the togetherness and the celebrations, it keeps us rooted to ourselves. Our inner self. The bustling streets speaks to a lot of our silent thoughts. At one point through all these, we try to find reasons to believe that the world is a good place to live in. It takes us to those lanes where we used to be way different from what we are now. How things changed. Good and bad. How your decisions and choices made you surround yourself with your present reality. How you have fallen in and out of love. How we thought we will not be able to move forward in our lives without the presence of something and someone.How the definition of festivals and holidays kept changing with time and plans. But here we are now, counting days to let go and gather new hope.

We human beings as we age and things make to start sense, we grow three faces. the first one is what we try to project ourselves to the world around to continue being the social animal. The second one is what we try to make ourselves believe about what we might be or at least wish to be. The  third is the one that is  the most honest face and the one that we avoid and hide from ourselves. Our inner self. Every moment of our lives the second and the third faces are fighting numerous wars to find that winning spot in our minds. Like you know the times we look at ourselves in the mirror and we think we are ugly. But if you look deep down it is not the face. It is the lack of feeling content of what you have and being jealous of others makes us look ugly.

It is just like the festivals. The first one is like all the celebrations that we see around us. The ideas of  indulgences change with the time to fit in. What stays with us are those little moments of reminisce where we found happiness for something which did not have a facade. That is just like the third face which now struggles to keep up and stay as a stronger memory than the new ones which are more fresh.

Everyday we keep disguising our needs with what the world wants to see in us. For that we keep counseling ourselves into thinking that we are valid. We fight the social stigmas and shaming by tricking ourselves into a standard idea of perfection.  At the end of the day, it is just you on your bed. The deep breaths before you fall asleep. That little moment of silence in your mind before you doze off. That is when you find your inner self with an answer that if you are happy or not!

We are just few weeks away from yet another year. Yet another time to indulge into celebrations. In the midst of all these let us try to do more things for that third face. Let us just promise ourselves that we will work on ourselves for a happier heart.

Happy holidays!

“Seeing is believing.”

Believe what you see.

Your mind sees too.

Your mind sees dreams.

Believe in them.

We talk so much about dreaming big. While kids and their ideas of what they want to be when they grow up are always given attention, little do we understand that these are mere reflections of the lessons learnt in school. Lessons supported with pictures help them to inspire. That little thin book with a picture of an astronaut or a pilot or a doctor gives a new path to those kids to take the first step to dream. To think that he or she can be the person in the picture too. He or she can save the world too. He or she can set a goal. Yes, people it is all about how we picture ourselves that helps us to set goals.

Goals are nothing but your intuition that makes you feel that you can take a stand for your decisions or ambitions. It can be anything. From what you plan to do for a living to daily routines. Everything that you feel strongly that you will want to achieve is a goal.

I used to be quite a social person in my college days. Then I started working. I was still that same butterfly. One who loved being loud and going to parties. The melting make up. The sweaty shiny party dresses (shorter and tighter the better, of course!). The booming music vibrated till all the water from my brain was sucked out and gave me the infamous hangover headache the next morning.  Well it did not matter much then. I was proud of myself, instead. I mean I was the queen bee, hello! But much that I loved the life I had back then, there were few things which I loved more than all of that. At the back of my mind I always had different plans for myself and this part of my life never tallied with any of my plans. I tried to look for reasons of this dissatisfaction but to no avail.  

I still remember I was in the United States. It was the summer of 2011. I was in Maine. Oh! How much I love that place. The rocky coastline, the Atlantic chill and not to forget the food! I traveled to Maine to visit the village of Ogunquit. I am in love with that part of America. The county feel is too deep to get over it. The suppers by Perkins Cove, the Capriccio festival, the summer beach, the cutest little gift shops, the tempting lobsters and I can just go on. I went there and again played my social butterfly card quite generously. Since I planned to stay there for the entire summer, I had to find ways to live my nightlife with the same zeal. Soon I made friends over there with a high school couple who were locals over there. They introduced me to few of  “my kinda” people and in few days of moving in the new place I was on a roll. Weekends were definitely like what we call now LIT AF!! I started meeting even more people and made my own little kingdom there. Life was good. Awesome!

On July 4th, I went out for dinner in some eatery in the downtown area with my new friends. As we left, we thought of taking a walk a little ahead the downtown area. The weather was promising as hell. It added to the celebration state of mind. As everyone was busy chattering and ranting about their bosses at work, we came across this really old building. It said Free Memorial Library. I have always been a huge Harry Potter fan. As you can clearly see the architecture, it took me straight from the muggle world to the Hogwarts dorms. I just had to get in there. Few of my friends also joined. The rest walked towards the beach. The library goers decided to meet them in a while after we checked the new found spot of real fantasy. And my my, was it a dream? Yes, it was. The inside of the building breathed Gothic architecture from all corners. The tall  shelves, the lofty ladders to reach the topmost shelf, the thick Renaissance furniture, the smell of the books. The place had so much of history. It had its own timeline that had so many stories to tell. Suddenly a sign of peace hit me hard. It was a different feeling which I could not unfold for sometime. But it was definitely something that made me visit the library almost every alternate days for the rest of the summer I was in Ogunquit. 

The books made me feel pleasant about my life. There was not any hullabaloo or exchange of unnecessary ideas. No hangovers, no headaches. No loud music, no loud talks. Neither did I judge nor was I judged by people. I realized may be this is what bothered me so much. If I am not part of the crowd, the crowd will judge me and I will be left alone. May be the feeling of isolation scared me from doing things that I actually loved. To read. To write. To stay motivated. It was a revelation!

I was floating like a fluid body with insecurities and no affirmations. Even after I realized that I need to get rid of my bad habits to focus on my life, it was not a matter of a moment. Let me tell you, the whole shift from that person to this person who is writing the blog took seven years to overcome something which I did not even like to do. Too much of letting yourself loose becomes an addiction and it really does not help to stay motivated. You become lazy to stay motivated and actually look for one goal. From the time I realized that party season is over, I made it point to revamp my thoughts completely and work towards a better life. It was my goal. And I can now proudly say that I achieved it after seven years. There were times when I had no idea what am I trying to do with my life. I cut off friendships and later feel horrible about it. I started to avoid association which did not lead me towards my goal. Sometimes I gave up and went back to the way I did not want to walk again. With the guilt in my mind, I shook off my urges to let that airhead version of me go away. Years went by but I did not let myself forget those seven months that made me realize the type of person I am or I should be if I want be fair to my life. 

This might seem like just another motivational story that we come so many times nowadays. I am not trying to motivate or convey any strong message. My point is I kept believing what I saw in front of me from the time I had the library encounter on the 4th of July. I kept seeing myself in a position where I will have time to do things that actually makes me happy. Read books. Write articles, stories, etc. I had to get back to my old self which I was in my school days. I made my conviction even stronger by going back to the journals that I wrote as a teenager. I read through the pages to remind myself how I  always wanted to have a strong voice and engage into public speaking. It reminded me of how I see myself as an author when I grew up. Going back to this good past triggered my conscience. It made me believe in who I am and how I saw myself standing in my life eventually. 

You see this is the exact marketing skill that companies use to sell their products. Industries are flourishing and flocking based on this simple thought. What you see you believe. So it better be a sale-able sight enough to push those exact buttons that makes you need and want that product. And from a life’s perspective, you should always place yourself in that exact position in your mind where you want see yourself. That is like an affirmation to yourself that you can get what you want. 

It’s very basic and not a very rare thing to do. Keep surprising yourself everyday! 

Recently I came across an article where the author talked about the development of a person’s thought process and how it starts to develop from the very moment when it smells the air for the first time. Each of us go through similar stages of personality development throughout our lives. It is a continuous process till the time we finally lose our breath.  In due course of this development there are external factors that effects this series of actions. The social and economic factors, the educational influence, parenting are few of them that effects the personality of the person. We talk so much about empathy and putting ourselves in other people’s situations and blah blah. With the new age spiritual revolution, a lot of effort has been put worldwide to motivate and uplift one’s own soul and mind. Motivational speakers are quite “look-up online” personalities nowadays. I am a great believer in this whole new idea of self awakening. Our social media handles are full of such uplifting videos and quotes to find happiness the easy way. But do we really apply these learning in our lives? Or is it just that 1 minute of viewing a motivational video or 3 seconds reading a spiritual quote and then we go back to being our old self? Are we too crowded in our minds with social stigma to make some space for some serious and realistic awakening? Is this not one of the ways our personality also develops?

Being from a land of huge diversities, there is a lot of pressure on not only just the genders but the way one should think and present oneself in different ages or phase. Irrespective of men or women, there are serious issues where people  are judged everyday and that affects the optimistic side of one’s personality.

Arranged marriage is an institution which is celebrated hugely in my land. At times there are 2 sisters, one is a little prettier. The guy comes to marry the other one but leaves after making a deal to marry the prettier one because, DUH! She’s pretty, right? She will be a great arm candy in front of the relatives and office colleagues. Now imagine what actually goes through the mind of the other sister. Boys are pushed to study science in high school when clearly one of them could have shined as a successful author. Again why, because you are a boy who will turn into a man who’s soul purpose of life after college is to make money and provide security to another girl and rather write off another new generation. Being a writer will be something creative and that equals to an insecure lifestyle. Much to this classical conditioning, throughout his entire life the boy (who absolutely by all means turns into a perfect man) struggles with his inner personality and the one he portrays to the world. Our whole lives basically become nothing but lies. We talk so much about staying true to ourselves….if only we were actually allowed to do so!

The world has been a great place. Too many things to feel, see, touch and remember. Every time I wake up to the chaos of humanity and nature, it captivates my existence. The occasional harsh sunlight on my face. The sound with which rain drenches the space around. The cacophony of the busy naked dogs and cats that try so hard to prove their existence among us. Along with this the on and off knocks at the bedroom door that reminds me to wake up. Much annoying as all it gets at times, but hey, that is what we made of. All of it, everything is a part of our lives that imagine to look back when we grow out of our times. Like right now, this very moment, I am part of your life. You are reading my thoughts, my mind, my life. We are part of each others lives now. Then once you are done reading, you might just get back to what you were doing. Or may be do something new. Or may be talk to someone. Or just anything. You switch to another life. Surprisingly, it is again a part of you. One of the lives in your life. One of those places where your energy or vibe matters or stays. How wonderful it is to think of!

In a day we play so many roles. So many parallel lives. We meet and share our profound presence with other lives. So many thoughts where our existence prevail. It is just like a marathon race. Slowly and steadily, there are parallel vibrations of our thoughts and deeds over time and age are trying to stick till the end. The only difference is that the end matters to the marathon. And the journey of living so many parallel lives in one life is what makes it so special. That makes me wonder; if the end is not so precious then why do we jump to conclusions in the course of our lives so many times. Why don’t we get tired of finding happiness in staying sad and hopeless. I mean, the strongest hope ever is you. The person. Who some years back was born out of a hope. No matter how twisted or indecisive it was, may be, may be not. But if that hope is still you, still alive, I believe that gives us even stronger reasons to face all the decisions and realities we choose for ourselves. Because we dwell in them forever. However, faded a memory that becomes. Or how toxic it may have been to us. Do you deserve this? I mean staying away from bad realities is thoughtful and wise. Letting that smoke of bad reality to cloud the other parallel lives is totally the opposite. Rather, treat all of that as a junction where it ports you to another set of parallel lives where you move with lessons and experiences to make yourself believe that you are way ahead for something better.

The world is a beautiful gift of time. And time has a way of giving us back what it takes away from our lives. Life will only be a better place to stay if we only never forget to remind ourselves how important it is to face those chain of parallel lives that we live every moment. It will be a worthwhile time when you finally look out of the window and struggle a smile on your face The time you look back to those years when you were not wrinkled and you could straight.

Becoming friends with your mind is a matter of  practice! I mean each moment of our lives we are struggling with so many thoughts altogether. Surprisingly only a few sees the reality. Our mind is nothing less than big cities where people come to achieve dreams. Picture those montages where on a busy city life the traffic standing still and the people stuck in it. Everybody is physically stuck but they are racing their minds to be somewhere else and playing their radio or rather trying to connect with a specific bandwidth to calm them down.

I think our mind is more of a radio where we constantly try to connect to someone or something with a specific bandwidth. We are always looking for the special connect with anyone. Maybe family, maybe friends, maybe someone special or maybe just a stranger. It is so important to find that specific frequency so that our inner channel can flow with any sort of disruptions. Coming to think about it, I guess our emotions are also channeled that exact way. Emotions are just like the different channels and we tune into different emotional rides with each frequency. Our mind is unknown of anything negative. So when we tune into a negative frequency or emotion, the mind becomes curious and goes on to dig deeper hoping for it get over. Just like the times we tune into a radio channel, wait for the commercials to get over and hope for the playlist to start soon.

The decisions we make in our lives or the equations that hover in our heads to expect a specific outcome and there are thing with naturally happens to us all the time. Life is always inconclusive but to a certain extent we can foresee ourselves. It us up to us to stay fix on that frequency or to change it to a new fresh one. Everyone adores freshness in life. Maybe the same thing repeating all over but the freshness is all one wants because there is serenity in it.

We might think that we are something more special but no we are nothing more but a complex machine with a special added flavor. It is true that we are the most complex machines created by the Supernatural. Surprisingly,  we still exchange all the positive and negative energies with our nearby people and just looking for a small simple gap to fit us in this mechanical world. There is a saying that a radio has only two tools, sound and silence. This incompleteness creates the extreme beauty to help us  picture what we want to our own imagination and does not hold us back to a single-front common image where everyone has the same feedback module. It gives us the the creativity in abundance to our own imagination. Our mind is like a radio transmitter where we transmit all our thoughts and expressions to a certain specific bandwidth. I guess that is how we stay connected to ourselves and the world. Perhaps that is how we carve our destiny to meet people. Some stay like our favorite radio stations and some become commercials in between the songs.

Time is the most valuable thing in this life. There is always something left to do but the best things are always unfinished, be it a half moon or a so called half love. Everyone lives a life in a paradox but to the real time we conclude with an aura of realism. We tend to hold things too tightly to ourselves in fear of losing it. We have to realize that there is beauty and solace and purity in incompleteness. We need to embrace it.

In this mechanical world we race each day to finish the regular tasks and so busy with our day to day schedule that we do not give love a chance. life a chance. I believe this life is way too short for hatred and space. Each day passes by and the space increases but somewhere down the line all those memories trigger. The small incidents, the small laughs, the falling down, the getting up and the long walk keeps us occupied in our own fantasy world. The spaces get habituated but the void remains forever. Priority changes and new people suddenly gets more importance than the old ones but the constant void is what kills us. Sometimes its too confusing because yes life is and sometimes we react to our own specific emotional quotient. This is what makes us human.

To me life teaches me a lot of lessons in every turn. It teaches me to rise and to fall. It teaches me love and to hate. It also teaches me to get hurt and feel the pain constantly and pain is extremely important because pains keeps you at check and makes you realize the human you are. Sometimes you find happiness in others and there are moments when you find peace looking into someone else’s eyes. You should not judge those moments but keep them stored deep in your memory because someday these memories will make you smile and keep you happy. We complain about life about not giving us what we want but it is up to us how to perceive it. Its is up to us how to make big from the small things we get and how to keep those moments in your heart so you can cherish them forever. Life is too short… Write a book… fall in love… feel the essence of life.