My life story

Some says, it is orthodox. Some say……….

Patriarchy.

Way of life.

Destiny.

Well let us just add some positivist touch to the stigma, shall we?

I will rather choose to call myself getting redefined while I accept society. Well, I don’t know who exactly started the whole concept of letting either of the genders to take control of the different societies around the world. But I do know, you make yourself look weak the moment you use the low key propaganda to spread empowerment of any sorts. I also think “it takes two to tango” and “there is no smoke without fire” !!

As for me, my roles kept changing with time. So did my plans. Priorities? That is a good question……you see all our lives we look for scopes and places to feel secure and happy. It just different people and places that we find both at different phases of life. That pursuit keeps getting layered with selflessness and attachments with every new responsibility……may be that is when we feel trapped and think LIFE SUCKS!

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When I was a kid, I was happy and attached to my people who got me colors, dolls and candies.

The ones who would sing me songs and tie my hair…..

When I was a little older my plans changed. I had more friends to laugh with……I learnt to feel the breeze on my face in a moving car…..learnt to love the rain and it’s smell……

Time comes when I feel secure with the person who is happy with my curls, lips, curves and hips…….sometimes, not always.`

But hey! I still have some aspirations which are unsettled. Some unfinished business that cannot be done…….with an occasional heavy heart, I move on…..

Now I grow as my little ones do…..As I grow, this personal journey of finding happiness made me think; what if there are no priorities but only harmony? What if these different phases and different layers of responsibilities are the ways to my happiness?

So now what do I do with the rest of my life?

It was Diwali 2017 that I questioned my existence. After the long flashback, it was quite impressive to take pride of the list of accomplishments. Well, it is not exactly how I planned or rather prioritized things, but hey y’all, I found happiness.

I found pride.

Fulfillment.

I found my life story worth sharing…..

I am a regular Indian housewife. The one you see in Bollywood films with a sweaty face, frizzy hairdos, wearing Sari or preferably a “maxi” if it is a hardcore household scene. I am mostly found in the kitchen with a spatula trying to strain the perfectly deep fried Poori out of the boiling bubbling oil. I am often the last person to go to bed and the first one to wake up in the morning. Yes, it is not frustrating but it is rather very satisfying to help my family get ready to head out for the day.

And that is not a maid who does the chores. Sometimes, she is the one who gets my aura better than my relationships living under the same roof with me.

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I am a working woman. I am just not salaried. But I get to lead the household, enjoy perks of motherhood and freelance with my gardening skills too…..Now doesn’t that sound independent? Beyond all the stigma, propaganda and society, it is me who found that little loophole and found ways to embrace self-reliance and I am exactly how I look in my photographs, content and happy.

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“Coming out” as they say!

“It is always the fear that holds us back from a truly different life. I guess we judge too soon.” This is the story of a close one who came out recently. And it was a different kind of coming out than what we usually assume when we say that phrase.

Meeting yourself is hard. Speaking to yourself is harder. Introspection with the “I am” self is the hardest. Humans are born imperfect yet narcissistic. We accept both. Oh well, almost! Flaws are deep-rooted. That needs a lot of mind mapping to understand how it all started. And that’s exhausting. On the other hand, being narcissistic makes us feel under control. You create your own barriers by applauding the liabilities. To keep up with the time you pull down others. To keep up with the time there is a constant need of appreciation of one’s physical ego. Both times when we are flawed or narcissistic, we fear time. We fear realities. We fear change. Much to the inventions and discoveries that has advanced thoughts and erased some, one thing that sits in our mind is the fear. Fear of the known. Fear of the assumptions. Fear of going against the conditions and embracing your truth. Fear of being happy. The mask or the facade that we carry along us everywhere is like an airbag that helps us consciously avoid happiness. It is when we embrace the idea of self-appreciation and the exhaustion together, that we can “come out”.

“The problem with our society are not the conditions but the multiple interpretations and misinterpretations of the same. I have always struggled. I am a happy person, you know. My definition of being happy is something that does not fit these conditions of the society. I like smelling flowers. I love ballet. I definitely love shopping. Does that make me any less of a man? And it definitely does not make me a woman. Sadly, there are a lot of opinions about the way I talk, sit, even worse, the way I rest my hands when I stand!

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I have always been a family embarrassmentĀ because I never took part in sports, I will appreciate my sister’s love for make up and a lot more that does not really follow the norms. I am a man who appreciates and is attracted to things which are considered feminine. And that is not something wrong. Ever. It took me a lot of courage to say that to myself and believe it. I mean I have always been comfortable in my skin minus the label. But I guess, it has been a constant struggle as well. A struggle between self-appreciation and an imposed identity. This is in fact, the best gift that I got myself in years.”

It was quite an eye-opening rather than just a chillout session that we planned!

Save your life and how!

When we talk about superheroes, we go back to those larger-than-life tales of comic heroes who wears a costume and goes the supernatural way to save the planet. The entire idea revolves around the fact that they are living a secret identity and when the world is in need of a miracle they wear the mask and cape of a savior. The mask lets them hide their real face. They are selfless souls who do not want to reveal themselves for popularity. I think that is the biggest driving force of a person to be the superhero- to be selfless. That makes them the kind of people we look up to for motivation if not miracle. With that thought I guess we all have these secret superheroes in our lives. Some one who has got the answers to all our problems. Someone who brings peace to the chaos around us or in the head. I think we all can agree on this part. Do we?

If we go back to our childhood days or kindergarten days we always used to wear a cloth around our neck and stand on a chair with one arm raised pretending to be a superhero flying in the sky. We had a belief in ourselves that we could change the world around us for better. That faith within ourselves made us play our polar opposites. So what went wrong when we grew up? What happened to that faith? Why did we stop believing in ourselves and seek for help from needless chatter over alcohol at a pub. Or hurt ourselves or may be kill ourselves. I mean c’mon, it’s a life, it’s a planned and emotional effort that created you. You got no right over killing that creation. Why cannot we just mute this ending thoughts or stop seeking external help that intoxicates you in something futile. Life is a beautiful gift! Feel that air around you. Today if you are reading this blog, appreciating or criticizing whatever is your experience, it is because you believe in your thoughts…..you believe in your existence!

Believe in yourself. That is your superpower. That will drive you to give your thoughts a reality. If you know what you want, you will find ways to get what you want. Universe is nothing but all our energies and thoughts colliding together all at once. If you have that ability to give birth to any thought, any desire, any wish, that very moment pledge to never stop believing in it. I mean I know life is never a bed of roses, but your belief can get you one if you do not lose out on that invisible mask and cape of miracle for yourself. When you feel life is not a fairy tale, go back to those moments when you did something for the first time and you were nervous. You did it, right? So why cannot you have that vulnerably badass attitude towards everything? Towards yourself? Be selfless to your aspirations and desires. You will find ways to join the dots.

Break out from that shell of impatience of disbelief about yourself and feel the strength beneath that invisible mask. It is our flesh and bone that proves the existence of an idea. The idea is you.You are a your superhero. Yes, you are! You have a story to tell. Your existence motivates and may be the reason of someone else’s peace. Value yourself and get loud with the belief that you matter. You matter to the time that is ticking along with your actions and thoughts.

Good day, superheroes!

 

It’s a different kinda thing….

We love to be surrounded by people who will appreciate and listen to us, don’t we? The laughter, the compliments, the peace, the light-hearted conversations. The times when you know that the person is just one call away. That person who is always ready to dig into the same shit like yours. It is a piece of cake for that person to know how you feel and what you feel just by reading your texts…..and it gets even weird when that person speaks your mind when you say nothing at all. The ticket to comfort, that person makes you feel home whenever he/she is around. Do we all agree?

Now you must be thinking I’m being silly with extra cheese and talking about love. Yes, you are right. I am talking about love. I mean why not? It is the biggest superpower we can absorb from the Universe. It can make or break worlds. But over here, I am not here to talk about the worlds that has got names. No I am not here talking about families, friends or lovers in general but that one person who is above all that. That one person who knows all your flaws and that person is never hesitant to feel weak around you. Vulnerability is not an option but a habit when this person is around. Updating that person about every thing that you do, everything that you feel……and that person is right there for you, like right there all the time. And the best part is that person never encourages you to let it loose all crazy and go all over the place. Such connections are rare and real, ain’t they?

Believe in that bond you share. It is just like that ripple in the pond when you drop the pebble into the water. Each time you think or see the person you radiate positive message and that will never go wrong in pulsing out love in tomorrow’s reality. Reality is tough, love keeps you going. Stay calm and give time when there is a dent in the equation. Respect each others secrets and aspirations. Above all, feel blessed that you got one such person in life with whom you can talk about your weaknesses and makes you stronger. Not many people are lucky!

Life is a ticking timer…

Humans as we say are social animals. We are sucked into this whole galactic feel to please people with a intention of security. Family, friendships, marriages and so on, each relationship has its own vibe and aura. We are all running after these bonds we share because it makes us happy. The shoulders are right there for us when we need them. That peace is not material and it can never be measured. Our world revolves around these beautiful set of amazing people who makes the existence worthwhile. We start taking this existence for granted thinking they are here to stay. And thenĀ  a time comes when we grow apart. School’s over. College’s over. Jobs rule our weekdays. Priorities change. Happens all the time, right?

Now if you look into it carefully, out of so many people we meet, only few we remember for the rest of our lives. Good or bad, we cross paths and the memories are unforgettable. We crave for the memories and the thoughts take us away from reality at times. It is so interesting to see that our human minds at times start dreaming so hard that it makes us extend those memories into our unfulfilled or unfinished wishes or promises. It makes us regret the reality. The different lives that join with our stories are sometimes not stagnant. But the depth of bond comes in disguise of attachments. Once the ties are non-existent we startĀ  looking out for options to fill that emptiness. This insecurity makes us look for alternatives and that is when we make superficial choices. This applies for all. Be it a best friend, a parent or a lover. And then comes some other kind of relationships which are special to us but beyond any explanation. These are the evil sweet ones which makes your day for reasons known only to those whoever shares the bond. The inner jokes, the amazing match of thoughts, it is just so damn positive! Finding alternatives to these ones are sometimes never possible.

So as I write this, I cannot help but wonder, why do we even look for an emptiness filler when the void can never be helped? The attachments we share with each person are all different. With love it all grows. We stay because the other one sharing the bond listens to us or does not mind to stay with our imperfections. With time what we do not realize is that when the bond becomes a habit we become control freaks. Now that we are comfortable with the relationship we try to change the dynamics according to our perspectives. Sometimes we call it sacrifice and sometimes this become a tool to sabotage the attachment. Eventually, we start finding the bad in the relationship and we create drama episodes for ourselves! I mean, like why? Are we not paying for Netflix already?

If that person is really a special one and in the long run you will be happy no matter what, why will you even think of ways to get rid of the bond? They made a mistake and repeated the same thing and you got trust issues? Or they stopped listening to you so you just wanna make your life like a social media handle and block that attachment forever? We say “there is no smoke without fire.” All we do is see the smoke and ignore the fire. Rather than finding ways to stay away or finding flaws why not we look into the times we were actually happy and laughing and found ways to keep it alive? I mean yes, there are times we wanna run away from abusive or attachments that question our dignity. This is justified. But this is not the case all the time. Is it?

Hold on to the attachments because time is life!