“Coming out” as they say!

“It is always the fear that holds us back from a truly different life. I guess we judge too soon.” This is the story of a close one who came out recently. And it was a different kind of coming out than what we usually assume when we say that phrase.

Meeting yourself is hard. Speaking to yourself is harder. Introspection with the “I am” self is the hardest. Humans are born imperfect yet narcissistic. We accept both. Oh well, almost! Flaws are deep-rooted. That needs a lot of mind mapping to understand how it all started. And that’s exhausting. On the other hand, being narcissistic makes us feel under control. You create your own barriers by applauding the liabilities. To keep up with the time you pull down others. To keep up with the time there is a constant need of appreciation of one’s physical ego. Both times when we are flawed or narcissistic, we fear time. We fear realities. We fear change. Much to the inventions and discoveries that has advanced thoughts and erased some, one thing that sits in our mind is the fear. Fear of the known. Fear of the assumptions. Fear of going against the conditions and embracing your truth. Fear of being happy. The mask or the facade that we carry along us everywhere is like an airbag that helps us consciously avoid happiness. It is when we embrace the idea of self-appreciation and the exhaustion together, that we can “come out”.

“The problem with our society are not the conditions but the multiple interpretations and misinterpretations of the same. I have always struggled. I am a happy person, you know. My definition of being happy is something that does not fit these conditions of the society. I like smelling flowers. I love ballet. I definitely love shopping. Does that make me any less of a man? And it definitely does not make me a woman. Sadly, there are a lot of opinions about the way I talk, sit, even worse, the way I rest my hands when I stand!

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I have always been a family embarrassmentĀ because I never took part in sports, I will appreciate my sister’s love for make up and a lot more that does not really follow the norms. I am a man who appreciates and is attracted to things which are considered feminine. And that is not something wrong. Ever. It took me a lot of courage to say that to myself and believe it. I mean I have always been comfortable in my skin minus the label. But I guess, it has been a constant struggle as well. A struggle between self-appreciation and an imposed identity. This is in fact, the best gift that I got myself in years.”

It was quite an eye-opening rather than just a chillout session that we planned!

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That one gesture…

The way we hold people’s hands talk a lot about our intentions. The way we feel the other person’s hand talk about that person’s priority in our lives. I guess holding hands might be one of the oldest ways to communicate thoughts. It opens our current state of lives like two parallel realities colliding.

There are so many types of handshakes we talk about. Like, each one of them means something. We hire this really pricey image consultants who tell us how to shake hands and crack interviews or win hearts. Why is it like the different ways our hands connect, says a lot about the touch? Because, its a leap of faith for that very moment! We are ready to dive into that very moment with a hope. A hope that might make or break a future. Its a moment when ripples of thoughts and emotions get a signal to stop or continue. You sense if there will be light or darkness in the process that follows after that touch. Holding hands can seem like security. It is that simple yet powerful language of mind where we define possibilities. Be it for a fraction of moment or may be a lifetime or or somewhere in between. Like the way we learn to walk while we hold our parents’ hand, it is nothing but putting our trust into that bigger hand. The strong hold makes your subconscious melt in the fact that this is here to stay.

Quite opposite when that person you thought is a soul mate turns out to be a demon and holds your hand to hurt or may be demean you. You know it is not here to stay or rather if you are dignified and strong you would not like to stay. It is nothing but communication. It is that gesture that speaks in multi language while expressing nothing but the reality. It might be a cliche but go back to that moment when you last held your partner’s hands. Wasn’t it electrifying? The hold kind of got tighter at times. Why? It just communicated our emotions. Simple! It’s easy math. The way you hold her/his hand talks about so much more than just the love. Each moment is dominated by feelings full of dominance or neediness. Your cultural and mental differences. All the little imperfections that brings you closer.

I don’t know about you people but holding hands let me communicate the readiness for that very moment. Be it holding hands of my friends to cross the road, pulling my mother away from the kitchen to read my new blog post or may be holding hand of that one person while in a cab back home after work. You are able to either open your personal space to them or keep a distance. Be careful the way you hold hands, you don’t know the reality you are about to touch!

 

Life is a ticking timer…

Humans as we say are social animals. We are sucked into this whole galactic feel to please people with a intention of security. Family, friendships, marriages and so on, each relationship has its own vibe and aura. We are all running after these bonds we share because it makes us happy. The shoulders are right there for us when we need them. That peace is not material and it can never be measured. Our world revolves around these beautiful set of amazing people who makes the existence worthwhile. We start taking this existence for granted thinking they are here to stay. And thenĀ  a time comes when we grow apart. School’s over. College’s over. Jobs rule our weekdays. Priorities change. Happens all the time, right?

Now if you look into it carefully, out of so many people we meet, only few we remember for the rest of our lives. Good or bad, we cross paths and the memories are unforgettable. We crave for the memories and the thoughts take us away from reality at times. It is so interesting to see that our human minds at times start dreaming so hard that it makes us extend those memories into our unfulfilled or unfinished wishes or promises. It makes us regret the reality. The different lives that join with our stories are sometimes not stagnant. But the depth of bond comes in disguise of attachments. Once the ties are non-existent we startĀ  looking out for options to fill that emptiness. This insecurity makes us look for alternatives and that is when we make superficial choices. This applies for all. Be it a best friend, a parent or a lover. And then comes some other kind of relationships which are special to us but beyond any explanation. These are the evil sweet ones which makes your day for reasons known only to those whoever shares the bond. The inner jokes, the amazing match of thoughts, it is just so damn positive! Finding alternatives to these ones are sometimes never possible.

So as I write this, I cannot help but wonder, why do we even look for an emptiness filler when the void can never be helped? The attachments we share with each person are all different. With love it all grows. We stay because the other one sharing the bond listens to us or does not mind to stay with our imperfections. With time what we do not realize is that when the bond becomes a habit we become control freaks. Now that we are comfortable with the relationship we try to change the dynamics according to our perspectives. Sometimes we call it sacrifice and sometimes this become a tool to sabotage the attachment. Eventually, we start finding the bad in the relationship and we create drama episodes for ourselves! I mean, like why? Are we not paying for Netflix already?

If that person is really a special one and in the long run you will be happy no matter what, why will you even think of ways to get rid of the bond? They made a mistake and repeated the same thing and you got trust issues? Or they stopped listening to you so you just wanna make your life like a social media handle and block that attachment forever? We say “there is no smoke without fire.” All we do is see the smoke and ignore the fire. Rather than finding ways to stay away or finding flaws why not we look into the times we were actually happy and laughing and found ways to keep it alive? I mean yes, there are times we wanna run away from abusive or attachments that question our dignity. This is justified. But this is not the case all the time. Is it?

Hold on to the attachments because time is life!